Please, let me fuck your mom
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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