I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize