Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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