I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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