take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
