dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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