Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
