I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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