so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
