Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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