Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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