i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
