well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
