sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I love you. Go after that dick
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
