fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
