In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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