everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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