I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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