READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
