I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
