and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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