All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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