i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
