I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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