Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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