I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
