woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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