My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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