is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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