that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
