dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
