Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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