shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
