3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
