I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
