So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
