I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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