I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
