i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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