You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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