People with herpes should wear stickers.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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