I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
