I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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