Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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