her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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