i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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