For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
