**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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