yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
