how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
