sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sext me about skeletons
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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