Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
