My nipple is on Facebook.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
