Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
