I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Found the puke drawer
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
