I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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