Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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