you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
