I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize