Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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