What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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