Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
