I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
worst night to have a conscience
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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