No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
