Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
