how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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