UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We're too hungover to prance.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
