I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
