I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
