im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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