Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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