im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We are two peas in an std pod
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
