just tell him i said nine months
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
