Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
