How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
