# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
