enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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