it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
