you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
